Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Day at Home

Watching my love leave as I watched from through the glass door and through the gated driveway I felt that familiar feeling I remember feeling so poignantly when someone I really loved had to go as a child.  This bittersweet feeling... No... I don't want to be here without you.  I love you.  I don't want to miss you.  My heart hurts when we are apart.

And maybe it's because we've both been so busy.  Busy-ness really does have a way of catching up with you, after too much time of neglect, you're left with a stinging longing in your heart.  To spend more time with the one you really love, doing the things you really love.

I had another strange notion as I looked out and saw the beautiful, graceful branches of green extend out from the large tree in the front yard.  When I find myself alone I often find friendship - kinship - in nature.  With the trees and their kind branches offering hugs of support, their sturdy trunks offering hope and strength, their roots offering a feeling of grounded-ness and safety... Trees throughout my life have always been there to let me cry for whatever I was grieving for or missing in my life, as well as offer love, guidance and a sense of playful joy.

And then the beautiful sun.  The play of light dancing through the trees and touching my face and eyelashes with such bright and warm kindness.  A good minute in the sun's glory can quell almost any sadness I may feel.

They say sometimes, your heart has to be vulnerable in order to open and let in the love. Sometimes a good cry is the best form of therapy because it truly cleanses the soul.  I needed a day to come down from the busy-ness and spend time at home, savoring the time I had with Nate, before he had to go, as well as basking in the light and sweetness of nature around me.  I needed some time to process what is happening in my life at the moment and be tender with Nate and with myself.

The words Nate spoke before he left play in my mind... Even though we might be apart physically, I will always be here with you for the rest our lives.  You are never alone. I am always here with you...  We hugged a giant hug.  Hugs are awesome.  They are able to go beyond words and speak of the deep love that make two hearts in love inseparable.  I am so happy to have found the love of my life that I will be marrying in less that five months <3 <3 <3

Exploring Nate's favorite hike down to the Oswald Beach in Oregon

Cuddling in the roots of a giant moss-covered tree on the coast of Oregon <3

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